Friends

I was talking to my friend T today about friendship. We're just a few girls who met in college, all from different towns, all from different backgrounds. Yet somehow, God put us together and we still remain strong friends today. We've seen some of what I consider to be the toughest times in the 14 years we've known each other. Parents having breast cancer, parents having strokes, deaths, near deaths. What would we do without each other? Without each other praying for us all the time?

There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. - Proverbs 18:24

Nothing in particular

Well, I finally saw Andy's burial plot this weekend for the first time since he died. I have to admit that it was something I was putting off and really didn't want to do. Mom has been there several times, but I could just never bring myself to do it. I didn't even go when they put his ashes in there. I'd already said my goodbyes, as much as I could anyways, and had no desire to spend the day crying. Maybe that's what I needed though...a good cry. I held back the tears this past Saturday when we saw it, although they were right there on the verge. I do feel a small sense of peace. I'm sure that will change from day to day, but for now I'm ok.

Grief...how not to deal

AAAGGGHHH!!! That about sums up my week. PMS and a boss who's actually been in the office most of the week. The two combined are not a good combination.

I haven't written in the longest time, but I'm feeling angry (part PMS, part who knows?) and so I thought I'd write about it and at least get it off my chest.

Since I last wrote, my brother passed away. Took his own life due to stress. I'm going to be honest and say that I have not yet dealt with the fact that he's gone. Who has time? I can't deal with it at work obviously. And when I come home I have Carson. I can't exactly have a melt down in front of him. He's too young to understand what has happened. I probably should have been writing a long time ago. I think it may help more than even I realize.

When it first happened, the only time I cried was when we first went to the funeral home to make plans. That's when it really hit me. Of course I cried at his funeral as well. I'm just not much of a crier. Plus I really needed to be strong for mom and dad. I can't even imagine how I would be if something happened to Carson. They'd had 29 years with Andy. There were some trying years, but overall 29 happy years with him. And then, thanks to one stupid ass psycho girlfriend he was gone. The pain that she caused him was bad enough for him to take his own life and leave his 3 year old daughter without a father. What does that say about the girlfriend? Not a whole lot. I'm gonna be honest and say that I didn't get it at first. I thought suicide was the selfish way out. Is there no one he felt he could talk to? Apparently he was on depression meds, but they obviously weren't helping. Or he was on the wrong dosage. Either way, he felt suicide was the best option. After listening to mom talk about the psycho bitch (pardon my language, but that's how I feel) I totally understand why he did it. I don't like it, but I get it.

Here lately I've been thinking about him a lot. He consumes most of my thoughts. His 30th birthday is rapidly approaching. Mother's Day is the day before. Dad's birthday is only a few days before that. I've come to dread the holidays now. Mostly because you don't know how anyone will react to the day. Thanksgiving and Christmas actually went better than I thought they would. But Mother's Day and his birthday could be different.

I feel bad for his little girl. She's living in an unstable house but there's nothing we can do about it because the mom hasn't done anything wrong...yet. So...AAAGGGHHH. That's how I feel about everything. It did feel better to write some things down. Guess I should do it more often.

Terrible 2's, Trying 3's and Freaking 4's.

Ok, so apparently we're out of the "terrible 2's" which weren't that terrible, but now we're in the "trying 3's" and they suck already...and he's technically not 3 until the end of September. I just don't understand how they can be so sweet and loving one minute, and sheer terror the next. I'm not one to punish (just ask Glen), but I've now had to put my adorable little monster in time out twice. I make sure that what he does is worthy of time out, because otherwise I just listen to him cry for 3 minutes and who really wants to listen to that? He has recently decided that he doesn't need to eat anything of substance. He'd rather have the junk. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm a great eater, but I always eat something substantial for each meal before eating the junk. He just wants the junk. So, Glen and I are having to crack down and he now no longer gets any sweets in between meals unless he's actually eaten a meal. Today for instance, he thought he deserved pudding after eating 2 bites of rice. I told him no, he threw a massive fit and then proceeded to kick Brooklyn in the face because she came near him while he was throwing his fit. So, off to time out we went. 3 minutes. His fit got even worse after time out was over, and so Aunt Ann took him off to bed for a much needed nap. What a way to ruin my hour with him...fit throwing and time out. Let's hope he takes a good nap, because I'm not sure I'll have the patience to deal with another fit like this one tonight. He may be in bed by 7 if it keeps up. And I wonder why my blood pressure is so freakin high. Hmm...

Oh my oh my oh my!!!

Gotta love Mondays. Actually, no you don't. We don't have many client phone calls, but today they came out of the woodwork. I don't think I've ever had a day go by so fast or with so many complaints. You know it's bad when the boss man starts yelling at people for you.

Ok, so not a big blog today. And I haven't even blogged in a long time. But it felt good to complain and scream...AAAGGGHHH!!! I feel better now:)

Hot, hot summer

Well it's been a while since I've written, but there's just not much new happening. I guess the funniest thing would be the fact that my sister-in-law thought Carson was ready to start potty training. Glen and I both told her he wasn't ready, but she insisted that he was. Today she learned that she was wrong! He loves his "big boy" undies, but wants nothing to do with the potty. He'll only sit on it if he has his clothes on. If the undies are down, he won't sit on it. It took her mom telling her he wasn't ready for her to eventually listen. Go figure. One would think the parents would know if their child was ready for potty training, but apparently not. Oh well...whatever. Now she knows, and they won't be having that struggle again anytime soon.

I guess that's really all for now. Like I said...nothing new. Just freakin hotter than hot outside!!!

Exhaustion

Exhaustion...I think I'm beyond this point. We went to Holiday World on Sunday for Bob's company picnic. Everyone had a great time, especially Carson. He loved the rides and would've stayed on them all day if we'd have let him. But needless to say, leaving the house at 8:30 in the morning and not getting home until 9:15 at night after having been in the sun all day was exhausting. I really could've used Monday to sleep in. I think we all could've. And it's been go go go ever since. No stopping. Work has actually been fairly busy this week, which is good, but when you're tired...not so much. I was hoping for a boring week like I've had in the past. But no such luck. Today is Wednesday, so I'm hoping for a quiet rest of the week. Guess we'll see.